I feel I must share with you all my bummedness. I am on a Norris McWherter style Guinness Book Of Records Dedication Is What You Need attempt to bust all previously known records for being in the most bands. However, this occasionally backfires when you have to turn down playing in a band you love because you have too many gigs with a band you’re in (and lovejust as much). Today I failed to get time off work to play bass in a band I shit the bed over. I am gutted. But as a non bass player it may work out to their advantage anyway. Bum.

But! On the plus side I bought a new car. A vintage Saab 900i. For those of you with a life you may recognise this car from the sleeve of Tweez by the popular band Slint. It munches petrol, hits every speed bump you go over (making a scraping sound from hell) and the heating knob is stuck on full. But in it I am LORD OF THE ROAD. I am Slazenger. And it will do 120 mph. I see my license disappearing.

All this financial activity means I am selling my Travis Bean. Not my yellow one which is the greatest thing in the world but my brown one, which is equally great but a bit under used. So get it before I change my mind. It is not cheap though.

Good way to make a compilation: A to Z. It’s a winner. My bus journey minidisc for the week features

AC/DC

THE BAND

CAPTAIN BEEFHEART

DEERHOOF

EXCELSIOR

JOHN FAHEY

GOLDEN

HOT SNAKES

I’M BEING GOOD

SKIP JAMES

KING CRIMSON

LE TIGRE

MUDHONEY

NIRVANA

WILL OLDHAM

ELVIS PRESLEY

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE

RED EYED LEGENDS

ARCHIE SHEPP

TALK TALK

UNWOUND

THE VAN PELT

TOM WAITS

THE EX (cheating a bit)

NEIL YOUNG

ZZ TOP

chris

Hi. The Wolves! (of Greece) record is out now through Gringo.

We have a new website at:

www.honeyisfunny.com/wolvesofgreece

that is slightly less usable than the last one. So if you’ve been kind enough to link us then please update the address.

xx

First to PHILL RODGERS (aka Phill from reynolds) for finally getting hitched to his long term lady Kate yesterday (Friday the 13th). I am getting suited up as we speak to go and get properly messy in a hall of people and probably slow dance with Matt Tagney at the evenings end, crying like a baby.

Secondly to JO WOODNUTT (aka Jo from Seachange) as it was her birthday yesterday too.

Hurrah!

Hi folks. I have a reputation as the Arthur Daley of guitars (though my friend Neil refers to me as Denis Waterman to his Arthur Daley but whatever). So, don’t want to disappoint so read on.

I have a SHITHOT guitar for sale.

Its a 1970s GIBSON SG100 and it used to belong to DAVID PAJO . Of SLINT, PAPA M, TORTOISE, ZWAN, ROYAL TRUX, AERIAL M, PALACE blah de blah. No shit. It was used in the For Carnation and Aerial Ms first record as well as on stuff with Will Oldham/Palace. It was bought from the man himself in about 1999ish.

hunniisfunni@aol.com for info

xx

I rediscovered a drink last week and at the same time entered into a strange conversation.

I drove to a gig in Derby so even though there was a bar and people were drinking and a band was playing – a band I love too – get this; I COULDN’T DRINK. I know, it’s messed up.

I was moaning about this to my friend Alex. Alex is a teacher of Design and Technology and he also appreciates the finer points of the Saab 90/900 range of automobiles. So I knew if anyone could offer me advice on how to deal with this it would be him. Actually he also plays drums in a band that sound like Refused (Fixit Kid) but I’ll overlook that.

He suggested something absurd.

SHANDY

And he had a strong argument to back up his case.

The thing about drinking is that it’s all about show and also about comfort on the part of the drinker. I drink pints because it’s the norm and I feel comfortable drinking from a large solid pint glass.

So, I’m driving so I am allowed a pint let’s say to be on the safe side. My normal approach to shoot my load in one go and buy a pint then drag my heels around the rest of the night with a Coke.

I tried drinking coffee instead but it’s so damn long winded.

Another option is the half pint. But then you get it in a half pint glass and it looks stupid. And you drink at a faster rate than your fellow drinkers and you are out of step with the round buying flow. A bad move.

You could ask for it in a pint glass – which I’ve seen done – but even though we all know drinking is an exercise in machismo this act is akin to loudly broadcasting that you have a one inch chap. You would overstep the mark by doing this.

So the answer is Shandy.

A half and half allows for 2 pints. If your friends are on a mission then simply divide the predicted intake up and ask for 1/5 booze in your shandy if you have to. This way you don;t get drunk but yet you still drink pints and you know what? You actually feel like it’s a normal night such is the comfort of the fat glass in your hand and the rushing sensation of the weak bladder that us more experienced boozers get.

But that leaves one problem. How do you order a shandy? You might fool everyone else into thinking you’re on the hard stuff but not the barperson.

I consulted Alex for tips and he coached me through the process.

“You say it like this

Hi, can I have a shandy please – half and half if you will

then pause, look away, laugh to yourself as though you heard a good joke and add

ha ha…I’m driving

then smile”

So I approached the bar and went for it. And it was easy. It even cost the same as a pint so I had that warm feeling of being ripped off too. And get this, as I went to open my mouth the DJ played John Fahey. Incredible.

May I also take this opportunity to advertise the long delayed return of the rock band I play called Wolves! (of Greece). We will be playing in March in Nottingham and London with Oneida and then on April Fools Day we go head to head with Lightning Bolt in Leeds.

Lovely

Everyone seems to complain that they can’t find good, untapped music to get their juices flowing. Here’s a tip for you:

GET POOR

It’s the answer. It means when you go to buy records and you’ve only got 2 quid to spare you have to take some risks. You can’t go buy Lightning Bolt because it’s 15 fucking pounds so you have to go second hand.

And not only second hand but stuff thats been dismissed by people. So, no Gang Of Four – thats going to cost you. You have to go below the barriers of taste.

Some of the best records I have ever heard have been obtained in such a desperate manner and the latest was no different. It opened me up to a wealth of LPs by one band and every one of them is shit hot.

Who? You ask…

ZZ TOP

The Little Ol’ Band From Texas are the fucking SHIT.

I recommend Tres Hombres from 1973 to really get down. Precious And Grace (recently covered by Queens Of The Stone Age) has a juggernaut riff and the amazing Hot, Blue & Righteous is enough to make a grown man weep.

The part live LP Fandango! is a good indication of what a smoking live band the Top were. Tejas is also absolutely fucking GODLIKE.

In fact anything up to the synths and fluffy guitars of Eliminator is worth a buy – especially at a quid a time which is what you usually pay. Even the MTV era stuff is ripping.

And Billy Gibbons is only 56 AND he likes Fugazi.

x

evening. My Mum has forced me to clear out my piles of shit back at her house so I bring you the GREAT T SHIRT CLEAROUT. All this toss is going on EBay in the week so if you fancy anything get in there beforehand and email me:

PJ HARVEY – 1992 passport photos (Blue, L)

BUTTHOLE SURFERS – with Rough Trade backprint (white, L, bit fucked)

QOTSA – Aussie tour shirt, black L

SLINT – Spiderland shirt Black L

FEVERDREAM – Engine, Red M

THE OEDIPUS – grey M

CABLE – Green M

JON SPENCER – Black (old remixes shirt) M

FAITH NO MORE – 92 tour shirt M

BIS – Blue L

SUGAR – Copper Blue L

BREEDERS – Last Splash Blue L

I was just logging into Blogger to put a message up to say I just saw Punch Drunk Love and I wish I’d voted for it but hadn’t seen it in time. It’s fantastic.

Last night I went to a Casino in Sydney and saw a “proper” cabaret show, you know where you sit at tables and you can only buy booze in the interval (crazy).

I saw the touring extravaganza that is The Ladyboys Of Bangkok.

Wow. Once you get over the weird Blue Velvet feeling of seeing heavily made up Oriental people miming to pop hits it becomes fun. And the compere has a terrifying voice too (“That wassssss Antoneeee and hissss SEXXXXXY girlzzzz”). Sparkling wine by the litre is recommended.

Rather than being a curious piece of freakshow entertainment it was a good laugh. A rousing version of “One Night In Bangkok” had me clapping away and I almost cried during a version of My Way performed by a slightly older member of the troupe who slowly changed from female dress into male dress and at the end of the song whipped off his wig to reveal a crew cut and, as he did so, the Liza Minelli voice changed to that of Frank Sinatra. Awesome.

During a spectacular version of “And All That Jazz” from the musical Chicago I said, slightly loudly,

“YOU KNOW, I’D FUCK ALL OF THEM. FANNY OR NO FANNY”

When I get to do ATP, The Ladyboys Of Bangkok are my headliners. And Madonna obviously.