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Things I learned in America

Posted: September 28th, 2003, by Chris H

– New York is more interesting at night
– the Subway’s not that scary, Harlem’s not that scary and Brooklyn’s not that scary
– everyone downtown looks like a model and/or is trying too hard
– midtown is boring, downtown is fun but expensive
– on my first night I missed more good gigs than I would see here in a month
– barstaff who get tipped are more helpful and chatty and give you free drinks
– people like Scottish accents and they say “I’m scottish too”
– nobody goes to Central Park to relax, they go to Do Things, like run in a very determined manner
– Johnny Cash’s death got as much attention as some sitcom “star” I hadn’t heard of
– there wasn’t a shortage of people to tell me how much they disliked George Bush
– Boston has more bikes than the whole of Scotland (maybe)
– the Lucy Parsons Center on Columbus Avenue is my favourite bookshop
– even I am better than the average American at football
– any kind of weird music you like, you can easily find a bunch of people who are into it here
– taxi drivers really do keep talking at you after the journey’s over. I met a revolutionary socialist from Romania
– trucker caps are out
– it’s hard to find shops that are interesting and not just big
– you can read the most beautiful poem ever but in a competion you’ll always get beat by the girl talking about giving head
– CBGBs is like punk was never happening; Bowery Ballroom is a top venue
– USA doesn’t get youth hostels

I take back everything nasty I’ve ever said about the place.

Chris H

Chris was hit by a brick as a child and lost the popular culture part of his brain. This affliction means he is only able to listen to obscure japanese noise bands and watch films with overtly complex storylines. His other interests include skulking, editing documents, taunting policemen and entering undecipherable handwriting contests. He lives in an enormous underground laboratory where he spends many hours trying to un-invent television.

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