COR!
Posted: April 14th, 2003, by Marceline SmithThe other day, Fate sent me to see the BEST FILM EVER. Originally intending to go see The Rules of Attraction, tickets sold out at the precise second we got to the ticket desk. Snap decision and we instead went to see THE CORE. Anyone who has seen the trailer will no doubt have been similarly amazed and hysterical as we were at the film concept. In a nutshell – the core of the earth has stopped spinning, END OF WORLD! DOOM! etc. but it’s okay ‘cos we can send some brave young people into the centre of the earth to fix it with NUCLEAR WEAPONS – undoubtably best plot ever. It’s hard now for me to fully explain the marvellousness of this film in that it is even better than the trailer would have you believe. The plotline is stupendously idiotic and unscientific but that doesn’t daunt any of them for a second. Before the film even gets going properly it has a space shuttle landing in central Los Angeles, something that in any other film would have been the major event. But not for The Core, oh no. It then introduces a complete set of disaster movie cliche heroes and villians [plucky young girl, careworn old mentor, supercilious evil scientist, rugged hero, foreign expert with wife and kids, ‘crazy’ inventor] and sends them into the centre of the earth in a specially developed rollercoaster made of concrete to save the world. Hurray. They then go through a series of disaster movie cliches, people start dying in fantastic ways, everything goes horribly wrong, they come up wth a Plan B, defy the People In Charge with the help of a GEEK HACKER and some whales and save the day. Double hurray! There are too many best bits to even think about mentioning and without giving away every single minute of the film. Definite highlight is that they do manage to do the ‘ship broken, must go outside and fix it’ cliche despite being in the centre of the earth and they stand about wearing ‘pressure suits’ that look like they’re made of rubber and plastic. In the centre of the earth! The only way they could have bettered this scene would have been to have a giant lava monster jump out and eat someone. Seriously, GO SEE THE CORE.
Marceline Smith
Marceline is the fierce, terrifying force behind diskant.net, laughing with disdain as she fires sharpened blades of sarcasm in all directions. Based in Scotland, her lexicon consists of words such as 'jings', 'aboot' and 'aye': our trained voice analysts are yet to decipher some of the relentless stream of genius uttered on a twenty-four hour basis. Marceline's hobbies include working too much and going out in bad weather.
http://www.marcelinesmith.com