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Best Of Craigslist

Posted: August 21st, 2007, by Chris Summerlin

Craigslist is kind of like the Free Ads in America (though the Craigslist site does appear to have sections for the UK now, anyway…) and, like any public service platform, people get creative with it.

The Best Of Craigslist:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

3 random entries selected off the 1st page for you:

You’re not looking for them, but I found your two dogs.

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Date: 2007-08-16, 10:19AM PDT

Sigh. No one is looking for these guys. And I see why. They hump everything in sight, try to dominate our old doggies, try to eat our cats and pee on everything and bark at everything. Neurotic, lick constantly. They know no commands, either in English or Spanish. They are aggressive and probably lived in a puppy mill. You dumped them, probably, and we picked them up before they were killed by traffic. Unneutered, no tags, under 1 year old small males. I hate you, person who dumped these dogs. There are no lost ads on phone poles, no lost ad on Craig’s list, no lost ad in the paper. We put signs up all over, put a found notice in at the local pounds and if you were looking for these filthy little ragamuffins, you would have found them. We are afraid to take them to the pound because under stress, your dogs were snappy and horribly afraid and dogs are judged by temperment for adoption placement. They would not have passed that test. However…..

They are, under their filth, mats and horrible habits, adorable. They have learned “Quiet,” “Come,” “Sit.” They have stopped being so neurotic and we have broken most of their bad habits in just a few days. They are smart and sweet and are looking for guidance and WANT to be good little dogs. One is a purebred little white and buff guy with an underbite, the other is a brown little dog that looks almost exactly like a miniture version of a larger breed dog. They know each other and were obviously (by the same bad habits) raised (poorly) together. We will get them neutered, train them and get them into a good, loving home with people who use the brains God gave them.

If these are your dogs, come on by, I’d like to kick your ass.

Scary Porcelain Dolls

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Date: 2007-07-20, 10:24PM PDT

The thing is, I’m afraid of porcelain dolls. I’m esp. afraid of clowns. These are not clowns, they are just very ugly and evil-looking girl dolls with dresses on. I keep them in the garage, because I’m concerned about them animating at night and attacking me while I sleep.

Please take them away.

MC Hammer Pants

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Date: 2007-06-22, 2:58PM MDT

Guess what,

I was cleaning out my closet and I found 47 pairs of BRIGHT NEON MC Hammer pants. I was going to burn them and dance around the flames to try to make it rain or something, but I thought that maybe somebody would want these. They are absolutely the worst pants of all time. I can’t remember being stupid enough to buy these, but I must have been. Either that or MC Hammer owes me a bunch of rent money. I have them all in a huge garbage sack sitting on the sidewalk. If you want them you must just come pick up the bag and drive away. If anybody comes up and tears the bag and spills those hideous things into the street where my neighbors can see, I will be very unhappy. Garbage collection is on Monday so if they aren’t gone Mr. BFI gets them.

If you want this garbage, email me and I will give you instructions.

Making The Best Of Craigslist the best comedy site for the perpetually bored…



Chris Summerlin

Chris lives for the rock and can often be seen stumbling drunkenly on (and off) stages far and wide. Other hobbies include wearing jumpers, arsing about with Photoshop and trying to beat the world record for the number of offensive comments made in any 24 hour period. He has been married twice but his heart really belongs to his guitars. All 436 of them.

http://www.honeyisfunny.com

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