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I FUCKING LOVE BIG BROTHER

Posted: July 3rd, 2005, by Chris Summerlin

It’s nuts. I hated Big Brother with a vengeance – even when they were all kicking shit out of each other last year. But this year has been GOLD television.
It’s like someone handpicked the scum of humanity, put them in a laboratory and just picked on them. Praise be that someone had the common decency to televise the results.
Take yesterday’s activities in the house for example.
The contestants were set a task where they each had 15 mins alone in the diary room and they had to wear a bizarre set of goggles with little test tubes attached. The task for the day was for them to collectively cry enough tears to fill a tea spoon. I SHIT YOU NOT.
When they were in there, the voice of Big Brother advised that if they needed beating down, belittling or upsetting then he would oblige. They then bombarded the contestants with tearjerking music and read them upsetting and heartbreaking stories.
Seriously, I fully expect them to lock a housemate in a glass box next. The ceiling will then begin to slowly descend to crush them slowly to death. They will be informed that if they confess to everything bad they’ve ever done then Big Brother will let them go. On the bottom of the screen it will flash to the audience
“BIG BROTHER IS LYING. NOTHING THE CONTESTANT CAN DO WILL SPARE THEIR LIFE”.
In the same day one of the contestants wanked off another in the swimming pool after he had asked to feel the fake breasts of another contestant and she had happily obliged.
This is amazing, perfectly orchestrated, car crash TV.



Chris Summerlin

Chris lives for the rock and can often be seen stumbling drunkenly on (and off) stages far and wide. Other hobbies include wearing jumpers, arsing about with Photoshop and trying to beat the world record for the number of offensive comments made in any 24 hour period. He has been married twice but his heart really belongs to his guitars. All 436 of them.

http://www.honeyisfunny.com

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