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My Top 5 quotes of 2004

Posted: January 13th, 2005, by Dave Stockwell

From the temping job that has been slowly destroying my life since June:

Number 5. From someone who wrote a five-page letter about the brown spot on their ceiling:

“…please note no one in the house who smokes as this is a CHRISTIAN home.”

Number 4. From a man who wants his local housing association to reimburse him for the uninsured stuff he got stolen from his house after he forgot to lock the front door:

“I don’t believe I should pay because I am a victim”

Number 3. Explains itself nicely:

“I have absolutely no intention of returning to shop in ********* ever again, until all of the parking meters produce tickets with sticky labels to enable me to fix the ticket properly to my screen, as is the style in Derby. My daughter, who is 6′ 5″ has the greatest difficulty finding clothes to fit. Derby cannot help her and ********* was one place that could help. She has, since the above incident, found one or two good shops in Leicester.”

Number 2. An email, apparently drafted on a mobile phone:

“our tax 4 136 leybourne dr is up to date acc no ********,wepay monthly over the fone so why r u taking us to court 11-11-40 we dont owe you.

yourskevin and sonia wright”

Number 1. Some constructive criticism in the wake of the very publicised murder of a teenage girl:

“You people are to blame, your city is the most violent city in the UK.You are all accountable and have presided over this continuing decline in the quality of this city.

1. Bring back the death penalty

2. Sack the entire ********* council and the staff

3. Wipe ********* off the face of the map”

Dave Stockwell

David can always be relied on to end his e-mails with one of those 'np: blah blah' things in order to remind us of how much more music he listens to every day than anybody else. His interests include rockin ' out in a major style as guitarist in Souvaris, throwing frisbees from tall buildings "just to see what happens" and simply kickin' back with his bitches in a gold-plated jacuzzi.


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