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STARSHIP – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now

Posted: November 12th, 2004, by Chris Summerlin

I take it all back.
“Summer of 69” by Bryan Adams is a walk in the fucking park compared to this

HOT CANCER.

It would be just about passable were it not for one moment. Allow me to take you through it.
The song is a male/female duet between two of the most annoyingly voiced people to have ever been allowed in a recording studio. This, again, is ignorable with some effort until the moment the female singer launches in, two footed, with this line:

“LET THEM SAY WE’RE CRAZY, WHAT DO THEY KNOW?”

But the pronunciation and style with which she executes this line shatters all known boundaries of aggravation. It’s more like this:

“LLLLEDDDDDDDDUMMMMZAYEWHURRRRRKURRRRRAAAAZZZZEEEEEEEEE”
I can’t do this justice. It goes beyond the aural and into a new realm where it touches all senses simultaneously. It is easier for me to compare the effect to less musical events. Example:

  1. Soapy residue entering urine hole of penis.
  2. Running barefoot through doorway and slicing 1mm of bottom of foot off on slightly raised metal carpet edging.
  3. Taking a leather football full pelt in the face on a frosty day.
  4. A pigeon flying beak first into your eyeball.

etc etc.

It is delivered in such a chintzy, Broadway Musical, American, stageschool, nightmare of a manner.

Phil Collins’ Easy Lover came on the radio afterwards and it was a simple and effective joy of a song after this had bummed my ears.

I would like to kill the female singer from this band by dropping all existing copies of Summer Of 69 by Bryan Adams, together with Bryan Adams himself, on to her in a metal crate from a height of 2 miles.



Chris Summerlin

Chris lives for the rock and can often be seen stumbling drunkenly on (and off) stages far and wide. Other hobbies include wearing jumpers, arsing about with Photoshop and trying to beat the world record for the number of offensive comments made in any 24 hour period. He has been married twice but his heart really belongs to his guitars. All 436 of them.

http://www.honeyisfunny.com

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