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Hello. I smell awful

Posted: November 17th, 2003, by Chris S

I don’t know how bands go on tour anymore. I just played 2 gigs in 2 days and I smell like the underside of a racehorse. But we had a weird time, Elvis our drummer said that I would probably “post a load of rubbish about the weekend on some website somewhere” so I don’t want to disappoint.

We played Worthing on Saturday as part of our plan in Lords to only play places we haven’t been before and/or places by the sea. The gig was with Hey Colossus the new Stanton/Econoline/Yeast supergroup thing. They rocked hard, they sound like Isis and are nearly as loud. We had fun. Between songs I noticed Elv was rubbing his titties and Phil called everyone ‘FUCKING FARMFOODERS’ at one point. We played a new song that sounds like Santana. Guitar solos rule, especially when you’re as piss poor at them as me. The last band were really funny, they had really expensive guitars but no cases and they were all arseholed so were dropping these things about in the street. Stayed at promoter Colins house and sat up with him and his son talking rubbish, his whole family were super friendly generous people. Watched a great kids show on Sunday morning with 2 guys going into museums an quiet places and seeing who can shout “Bogeys” the loudest without gettin kicked out.

Which reminds me of a joke:

Q: “Why did Madonna feed her child dog food?”

Even the Lords wagon pissing diesel everywhere on Sunday morning was treated like a bit of a laugh. Dave Crofts was in tow but had already gone to the pub at 8am on Sunday to see the Rugby so we went to the beach and were seriously considering unloading the gear and doing a Magic Band style beach gig at one point. We fucked about all day then headed to Brixton where we were playing a squat with Cat On Form.

The squat was a really cool place, an old pub that can’t have closed too long ago as everything’s still set up for a pub or bar. It was pretty hectic as 5 bands played. Birds Of Paradise played first and were pretty ripping, they had a dude on drums who looked like Cee Cee Deville from Poison and his drumming style was well rock school. You kind of got the impression that some of the band had the option of horse riding or music as a hobby and opted for music, they seemed equine. Claque were grand, they had an awesome drummer who was pounding out really brittle clattering rhythms and a guy playing guitar through a bass amp and a girl on viola and vocals. It was really loose and at times gorgeous and at times really heavy. It reminded me of The Ex and also Ganger somehow. We quickly got pissed off, we played pretty badly too. There was a guy DJing who was playing fucking terrible music so we asked him to play a CD we had when we were setting up and he looked at it (John Coltrane) and asked us why so Welding told him we were a jazz band. By the time Hey Colossus had played and COF were playing I was so narked with the place. COF were really supportive of the squat onstage but I dunno, it seemed to me like the people squatting there did so because they could, not out of necessity or a out of a desire to remove themselves from something they find distasteful. Some squats I’ve been to have been set up in a way that’s really efficient and that works and is amazing but this one had the feel of a bunch of kids who could go home at any point living it rough for the feel of it. It was well organised and cool and the girl putting the gig on was really sound so I’m not getting on her case, the gig was great but something jars badly with me when you have tables full of Stop The War leaflets but there’s awful, commercial nightmare punk rock playing through the PA all night and you have these dickhead rich kids running around acting like students pissed on MD 20/20. OK, I’m pretty tired. I guess I liked the place and the people I met but there were some people there who were just really bizarre and not what I was expecting.

I did hear some awesome music at the weekend at peoples houses though – Lord Buckley is a new one on me. A spoken word artist who performed as early as the 30s and lived the life of a Lord in every way. New Nebula album is completely incredible too, not sure when or if its out as this was a CDR. Heard some recordings by Becomes The Water Of Death too that sounded great too.

A: “She couldn’t help it. Its what came out of her breast”

Chris S

Chris lives for the rock and can often be seen stumbling drunkenly on (and off) stages far and wide. Other hobbies include wearing jumpers, arsing about with Photoshop and trying to beat the world record for the number of offensive comments made in any 24 hour period. He has been married twice but his heart really belongs to his guitars. All 436 of them.


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