The theme for this offering is pretty obvious, so I’ll tackle each track on it’s own. I’m afraid to say that the bribe of chocolate coins has done little to sway me, even if I recognise it as a nice gesture.

Mistys Big Adventure – Have Yourself A Psychedelic Christmas

Pretty unispired stuff from a band who’s album I quite enjoyed.

Steveless/Syd Howells – Seasonal Schizophrenia

This is pretty ropey. Steveless often complain of being bored, but the problem is that they almost always sound as if they are.

Tiger MCs – The Way That You Arrived

This is ok, but I personally hate deliberately wishy washy stuff like this unless it’s really well done. Grow a dick.

The Hot Puppies – Green Eyeliner

Lena Lovich meets Altered Images meets Texas. I just don’t get stuff like this.

Sarah and the Johnsonauts – The Lonely Little Elf

One of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. A bunch of half pissed sounding students trying to do Jeffery Lewis. Problem is even he does Jeffery Lewis badly.

Hello, How are you? – Alice The Christmas Pie

A song that took me longer to type than it took me to listen to. Mercifully.

Grand Prix 86 – Everybodys Dancing

Thank God. A great track. About bloody time. This makes me want to ruminate on the intagible factors that seperate good music from bad. But I’ll simply thank the stars that there is at least one decent track on this record, even as it becomes repetative to the point of irritation.

Das Wanderlust – Sleigh Ride

He he, this is quite funny. A “cover” of sorts of the popular Xmas song it kind of reminds me of a friend of my grans who would “Les Dawson” her way through the classics on the slightest pretext.

Giant Robot and the City of Tokyo – Vest

This pretty decent track walks off with the “second best track on the album” accolade. Their mums must be proud.

Container Drivers – In the Bleak Mid Afternoon –

A perfect example of a song that need never have been written.

David Craigie – Christmas In A Can –

This is much more silly, imaginative and interesting. Loads going on here, including a sense of humour. Wee gems like this are the point of compilations like this in the first place I suppose.

Chihiro – The Plans That We Made –

A nice wee tale of Xmas heartbreak here. Sweet, nicely excecuted and intelligent.

Steveless/Syd Howells – This Is What Dying Is Like (Christmas In Swansea) –

Oooow ma lugs. It’s difficult to imagine there is any working technology that can still record something that sounds so bad. The poor sound quality is deliberate of course. Sounding like unfunny students mucking about I assume isn’t. A bit harsh maybe but you generally get much better from these guys.

So, sorry Xmas fans, I’m afraid this compilation is overall much more of a turkey than a cracker.

Cheeryade Music

This is an incredibly bleak, but incredibly beautiful CD. The perfectly-chosen cover photograph of a blurred electrical structure sitting in its environment, reproduced in monochrome, reflects the music within. Heavily reverbed, simplistic piano and guitar melodies are enveloped in found, effected naturalistic sounds to create a windswept intimate music. A little like the more abstract parts of Godspeed!’s F#A#Infinity, this is resolutely solitary listening. Like the best dark, chilly music there is, Library Tapes inject shards of hope and prettiness, keeping well away from repetitively moody textures. The seven tracks making up 33 minutes here are like notes scribbled in the margin of music, leaving the listener to join up the dots and read between the lines.

Resonant
Library Tapes

As a result of hearing this album, in my mind the collective record collection of The Mutts is made up of nothing but New York Dolls, Sex Pistols, Hellacopters, Black Sabbath and Cramps records. Not that that’s a particularly bad thing, as it’s resulted in this set of barnstorming rock and roll songs which rarely lets up its barrage of growling vocals and riff-heavy slabs of overdrive. This isn’t a clever, intricate or delicate album, but I don’t expect that it’s supposed to be. There isn’t the sheer power of Part Chimp or Hey Colossus on display, or the authentically grimy feel of the Stooges or MC5, but perhaps that’s not what the Mutts are after. If they’ve tried to produce a straightforward, no frills rock record that sounds great in the car as you pull into work, windows down, playing it loud, to try and make out you’re a pretty cool guy and not a faceless office drone, they’ve succeeded.

Fat Cat Records
The Mutts

This is a very good single which could have been great but for the fact that it’s packed with just a few too many ideas. A very breezy pop tune, “Staci Stasis” would benefit from a clarity of approach that often eludes punk/ska/pop bands like this.

Personally I find all three tracks offered here pretty toe tapping stuff, but given that “Staci Stasis” is considerably lighter in approach than the other two tracks, I would assume it’s a stab at being more universal and I don’t think it will ultimately translate to a large audience simply because of the mish-mash of ideas and styles contained within.

It’s just a personal thing, but I always feel that bands with a highly stylised image and style of presentation have to match that with a certain clarity of vision when it comes to the musical approach. Think Cramps, think Ramones, think Blondie – the walk matched the talk exactly. They could also have done with spending more cash on the mastering.

But I’m being picky. This is a very good single by a good band who sound as if they are having plenty of fun – I just don’t see this particular record breaking down any walls for them, that’s all. Cool free comic though.

Zombina and the Skeletones

Hi. After hearing Marceline’s grief over the Data Panik support I thought I would share a Myspace exchange I have recently been part of. I admit to being a little surly with the ‘promoter’ concerned but it gets my goat. I’m not interested in naming and shaming so I have removed the promotion ‘company’s name but I’ll spill the beans if you want though I doubt anyone will have contact with them…

Enjoy.

PROMOTION COMPANY: “Hi. ****** *** Events are organising a massive all day gig on the 22nd of january at the The **** ****, ******** 2006 and wondered if you would be interested in playing this gig. There will be about 10 bands playing in all therefore a lot of potential exposure to new fans to broaden your fan base. As well as this there are other gigs available in January throughout the UK. 08th of january *** ******** , ******** 15th of january The **********, ******* 21st of january *** *********,************ 22nd of january *** **** **** ******** 29th of january *** ***** ****, ********* All you have to do to seal a place on this gig is to tell us what address to send tickets to for you to sell! We give all bands 30 tickets in which we get the money for the first 20 and they get the money for the rest! Tickets are to be sold for £5 each giving you a potential profit of £50 I hope you are interested in this offer and look forward to hearing from you soon. ****** *** Events”

ME: “Many thanks for the offer but promoting gigs is your job, not mine. I just play.”

PROMOTION COMPANY: “What? We are event organisers, also how do you promote a show that sees bands playing with no fan base? We are helping bands out here. ”

ME: “”All you have to do to seal a place on this gig is to tell us what address to send tickets to for you to sell! We give all bands 30 tickets in which we get the money for the first 20 and they get the money for the rest! Tickets are to be sold for £5 each giving you a potential profit of £50″
Like I said, I play music, you sell tickets. Its a promoter/performer role kind of thing. I am also a promoter in Nottingham. If I suggested to a band that they should be paid for their efforts based on them effectively doing my job for me I would expect nothing less than for them to tell me to get screwed.
Perpetuating that kind of deal where bands are somehow responsible for the turnout at gigs helps no one, it creates a world of opportunist, lazy promoters and bands destined to play to 20 of their mates week in week out.
Maybe it’s what some folks want but there’s quicker ways to the top in the music world.
It just involves developing a strong tolerance for the taste of cock.
Best, Chris ”

PROMOTION COMPANY: “I am afraid that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
If you could tell me how to promote a band with no fanbase but their friends then please do, no matter how many fliers you send out no one will come to see a band they have never heard of. The way we do it is 10 bands each bring 20 people which unless I am wrong is 200 people which is 10 times the amount of people they usually play to.
Do you understand that we have costs to cover?
This way we can guarantee a large turnout and money upfront. What could be better?
Who on earth would go to see YOU play if you did not find people. We dont know your fan base, you do. If you can safely say that if we “promote” the gig, using fliers posters etc that 200 people would buy tickets before the event began then ok, I am wrong.
But if not you have to do the hard work not us. We get the venue sorted, organise the gig and find the bands. We get it all sorted the bands sell the tickets as they are the ones playing the show. Bands mess you around too much saying that they can bring people but never do this way we are saving our backs.
I laugh at your remarks, why should we attempt to sell tickets for a unnamed band?”

ME: “”I laugh at your remarks, why should we attempt to sell tickets for a unnamed band?”
I give in. Because you’re a promoter?

Its all gone a bit quiet since. Awww fuck it. They’re called Silver Fox events. They’re on the world of the Myspace.

You know that ad that’s on at the moment, with the girl talking straight to camera about how she’s glad that she split up with her boyfriend because it’s given her inspiration for an album that she’s going to write, record and produce using Windows XP? Well, if that lass was real, then the first single off that album might sound something like this.

Four tracks, then, of spiky guitar tunes with strong melodies and lyrics about being young and working in a shit job and fancying someone and getting your heart broken, which, surely, are the themes upon which all great pop songs are built. In truth, however, this record made me feel a bit… well… dirty. Like illicitly reading a teenage girl’s diary. It’s just not for me. I’m still in my twenties (just), but I feel way too old for this record. I strongly suspect that it might be a great, and very fun, slice of indie-pop, but I’ll hate it forever for making me feel like my dad.

And marks off for shameless apostrophe abuse. Tsk – young folk today!

The Hussy’s

Back when I was 10 years old (approximately), I got hold of Utter Madness, by Madness, on cassette. After listening to that, all other music that I heard at the time seemed ridiculous because it was too sincere and earnest. Why the hell would you want to listen to Spandau Ballet crooning about love when you could jump around the room to One Step Beyond, or Night Boat To Cairo? It’s doing Zuinosin the greatest possible disservice by mentioning them in the same sentence as Madness, but the relative emotions they conjure up for me are uncannily similar. Why the hell would you want to listen to Keane singing about love when you could watch Zuinosin jump around the room, screaming and flipping the bird to the audience? Zuinosin render most other music obsolete by nature of the fact that, among other things, they are:
a) insane
b) fantastically costumed
c) from Japan
d) brilliant musicians
e) having a lot of fun
If I was in a conventional band, I’d be emailing the other members right now to tell them that I quit. The only way that you can possibly follow Zuinosin is if you are a member of The Psychic Paramount, or a member of Hella.
Here are some other FACTS:
If you saw The Psychic Paramount walking down any street in any town in any country, you would instantly know that they were from New York.
The Psychic Paramount are responsible for the best album released in 2005.
The Psychic Paramount are responsible for my hearing loss.
Zach Hill is the world’s greatest drummer*.
Spencer Seim is the world’s most dexterous guitarist*.
Spencer Seim now resembles the ‘Juniper Bush’ character played by Terry Jones in Life Of Brian.
Hella are less thrilling with four members than they were with two.
Hella are still very thrilling.
Tonight was the best gig I have been to in a long time.

*I’m fairly confident that this will be difficult to disprove. If I press the Sun (the star at the centre of our solar system, not the newspaper) to your left cheek, and then Alpha Centauri to your right cheek, would you be able to tell which was the hottest?

Here be a five-track mini-album by three fine men of Leeds. There be a bassist known as Stu, and there be a man economically manipulating tiny keyboards through some choice pedals known as Moz, and the drummer be Neil Turpin of Polaris/Bilge Pump fame (as well as previously heavenly rhythmic propulsion for the likes of Snail Racing and Doug Scharin’s HiM project). This minimal trio have conjured up 20-odd minutes of sublime trance-like pop songs, chock-full of bubbly and fizzing analogue synths, badass krautpoppin’, busting and droning basslines, and the obligatory smoother-than-smooth cool cat jazz of Turps’ insouciant rhythms.

I’ve been in a few minds about what I like best about this recording: the drums are predictably fantastic and infuse QQ’s every move with a wonderful restless energy and groove; but then the spare and solid basslines are the real weight behind their drive; but then the keyboards carry all the hooks and some fantastic square-wave textures and splutters and spurts that really do sound particularly lovely. Unfortunately, it looks like I’m going to have to resort to that awful music critic cliche of saying:

“The band is more than the sum of its parts.”
[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Bring on self-immolation.]

The problem is; it’s all too true. QQ is a minimal beast, but the economy of music (nothing too fancy, no pointless notes or sounds, every texture seemingly carefully chosen) makes the record a delight to stick on. It’s not too long (in fact the brevity is sublime), it’s not too produced (the sound is predictably spot-on), it’s not too ambitious or overwrought (every song progresses as far as feels absolutely right), it certainly isn’t slapdash or careless (not a note out of place). It just hits a number of buttons really, really well. Their music itself doesn’t scream maddening originality, but they do clearly revel in their influences – lo-fi synth pop, mantronic krautrock, chilled jazz, whatever – and weave a wonderful web of these sounds to end up giving you a CD that probably sounds different to everything else you’ll stick on today.

When QQ supported with Pit Er Pat earlier in the year, they made that band of (really rather good) keyboard-toting, fabuloso-drumming, quirkomatic popsters seem limp in comparison. At the time I couldn’t work out if it was to my chagrin that they blew away the headliners quite so sumptuously (and seeming so effortlessly), but now I have records by both bands I know which one I’m going to be returning to on a regular basis.

The final conclusion? A rare pleasure. Bravo, you three fine men. Now give me some more.

www.runofthemillrecords.co.uk

I’ve been putting off writing about this album for ages. There’s such a gargantuan collision of styles on display here that it’s hard to know where to begin. Over the course of ten tracks, Capillary Action display elements of King Crimson’s kooky song structures, the Fucking Champs’ NWOBHM-drenched metallic gleam, Lightning Bolt’s clattering chaos and disorientation, the chunks of rock favoured across the Oxes/American Heritage/Don Caballero axis and – more surprisingly despite all of that – Mike Oldfield’s pastoral mutterings and any number of cheese-laden jazz-lite conspirators. Initially, I found this a difficult album to get through – at first listen it’s nigh-on impossible to get a handle on who Capillary Action really are, if not simply a duplicator of musical styles. This seems genuinely to be an album which benefits from repeated plays, and I think I finally get it after many spins: the album works as a whole, and should only be taken as such. The high quality parts of the album far outshine the low, and ultimately this is more than a collection of Fragments.

Pangaea Recordings
Capillary Action

Leaving aside the related gig disaster as previous post, I was excited about this, the idea of wandering around the back streets of Glasgow and discovering light installations and disused buildings that have temporarily been given a purpose again.

With Alasdair on map reading and Glasgow knowledge duty we began by meandering our way round the Merchant City. The first couple of installations were so non-eventful as to almost pass notice and the church with, um, some lights on it was similarly unremarkable. We were invited to make our way round a set path through the Ramshorn Gardens which was initially exciting as our giant shadows projected themselves on to the building opposite and slowly shrunk as we walked. Things then turned muddy and dark with some tiny fixed lights illuminating random gravestones, branches and corners. Woo.

Down the back end of King Street things improved with warped, melty shop sign lights making me feel like I had taken a wrong turning into surrealist France, and an enormous video projection on a wall was momentarily awesome in its size.

‘Trapped’ at the bottom of King Street was possibly the biggest installation where a disused building has had its windows lit in colours with video projections filling the central area of windows. We arrived while they were displaying adverts (for the festival. Which we were at) so had to make do with the entertainment provided by Man Pissing in Doorway and Children Crying (possibly related). Then giant ants started marching over the windows in patterns, getting bigger each time they appeared with the colours changing in rotation, eventually culminating in enormo-insects filling the whole central area. Giant insects crawling over buildings is to be encouraged, I think.

Up at the Trongate a building was sporting projections designed by children which meant we had the scarily fun sight of a building covered in brightly coloured balloons. Further projections were based on the actual building itself making it appear as if it had been coloured in with neon crayons, a slightly disorientating look that made me feel like the buliding itself was a projection.

Our last stop was the view of the, again, unremarkably lit church and mosque by the Clyde but much more captivating was the long term lighting developments on the various bridges which reflect shimmering colour on to the river. The blood red pedestrian bridge dominated the view and we walked back over it where it loomed, bright red, clear and strong overhead and easily beat the festival installations.

The main problem with most of the installations is that they were just kind of there. Pretty and kinda cool but not really living up to the status of a festival of light. Radiance was trying too hard. Glasgow doesn’t need this trumpeting and garish cosmetic lighting. Light up the dark random areas, highlight the unused and un-noticed and let people discover them for themselves.