I hate Bank Holidays. All my mates are somewhere exotic (Germany, Sacramento, Lutterworth) and I am stuck at home. I thought about buying a mail order bride for the holiday period but the delivery time is 6-8 weeks. I think this all stems from Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind or whatever the fuck that film was called.
I watched it on Thursday and I have been miserable since. Great film though, just don’t watch it if you’ve ever “loved and lost” as they say in the songs.
I’m going to go and play the drums.

A bit of a Damn You! shaped plug here.
We have some fantastic, weird, unique gigs coming up in April. We’ve done a lot of heavy stuff of late so it might be coincidental but as spring arrives we have some perfect cool beer supping music on the horizon.
Friday April 8 sees a US double header with Thee More Shallows (Monotreme Recs) and Giant Haystacks ably backed up by our own progmeisters Souvaris and Brighton’s Projections who are ex-Cat On Form. Thats at the Bunkers Hill Inn and its £4adv.

Then on Tuesday April 12 we have moved heaven and earth (actually we got them to move a show in Germany) to get Fog to play. How can someone simultaneously play genius hip-hop inspired electronica AND sound like the best Will Oldham records? Come see. Last time he payed it was incredible. Not only that but you get an equally rare live outing from The Telescopes as support. Line opens up with his electrickery tunes. That one’s downstairs at the Cabaret and is £adv too.

Finally on April 20th we are super chuffed to present Chris Brokaw. Chris has played in/with (deep breath) Come, Codeine, The New Year, Consonant, Pullman, Evan Dando and GG Allin (!). He is the finest solo acoustic guitarist about. His show last time at the Social was perfect. Don’t miss this. Support is from me, aka Last Of The Real Hardmen, though for this one I have drums from Mr Gareth Hardwick and cello from Ms Lucinda. Two other bands will be playing, it’s going to be each of those bands’ first gig so I’m waiting on names…
That ones at the Bunkers and it’s £4 adv too.

We also have a special May Bank Holiday show on the Sunday planned for the Sneinton School Hall. It’s and it’s going to be the last-show-of-the-tour party for one of our favourite bands. If you like American Underground punk rock, wah-wah and the sounds of Prince you’re going to shit when we sort this out.

Click the link at the top for directions and tickets.
xxx

I have just come to the conclusion that these two records are the best two records ever made. EVER. I once travelled to New York just to see Chavez and they sucked. This has not clouded my opinion of these mighty works. Thank you.

DCs finest psychedelic heaviosity merchants DEAD MEADOW are playing a one off at the BARFLY in CAMDEN on TUESDAY MARCH 15 – TOMORROW!
STINKING LIZAVETA are on in the middle, you might have seen them at the Shellac ATP
LORDS are ex Wolves Of Greece and open up and ARE ONSTAGE AT EIGHT O CLOCK NO FUCKING SHIT.
cheers

Also I saw Wilco last night and everybody NELS CLINE! Give it up! NELS CLINE!

Tommy Vance. Rock on and on and on.

(Kevin Smiths birthday present to me a couple of years back – it reads “Very best wishes, Happy B’day Chris. Tommy Vance, Rock On and On”)

“Hello AOL

I wish to cancel my account with immediate effect.

My main screen name is Chrissummerlin77

My daytime phone number is 0115 847XXXX
Although not even a free wad of money and a blowjob would convince me otherwise.

With thanks
chris”

So email me from now on at (my website name, spelt correctly, all one word) @fastmail.fm

Fucking hell, SLINT. Wow. I forgot how much I like that band. I was a twat and sent a message to one of them on Friendster saying they shouldn’t reform. I also added to that message that if they did I would be there as I am a cocksucker. I am a cocksucker.

What the hell is it with Suicide Girls? I mean a) I don’t want a girl who’s going to kill herself because call me old fashioned but that’s a turn off – so what’s with the website name? and b) if you want porn there’s not exactly a shortage on the internet.
Why has this website become so big?
People who look at it please let me know, I want to know, I am puzzled.
If I wanted to look at goths with mumps I’d go to Rock City on a Saturday night.

The main draw with this, the second Hey Colossus long player aptly titled Hey Colossus II, is the emotional depths and insight bestowed upon us by Ian, Bob and James the vocalists in the group.
Like other great lyricists of recent times (Malkmus, Berman, Oldham, Callahan, Neko Case) you feel that it is not only the genius of the words being sung but it’s their context as part of the song in which they fit that justifies their status as genius. Scanlon, for example can sing the phone book and I’d listen but there’s a new sense of maturity and emotional sharpness to his work with Colossus that marks a move into the big league.
Take opener Red Giant for example, when Scanlon steps to the mic and delivers this unforgettable line:
“MMMMWWWWARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! NNNUGHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
it would take a cold hearted human to not just burst right open.
It’s not just Scanlon. In Raise The Flag (The Planet’s Ours) Davies brings forth this couplet of sheer beauty:
“IIIIIIFUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKNWAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG
GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Or in the mighty tune Vengeance where the sheer subtlety and deftness of James’ delivery almost renders this wondrous line inaudible
“UGGGGGGG. UGGGGGGG. WWWWWAAAAUUUUUUUURG!”.
If you’re not already rushing for the stores then let’s not forget to look at the music of Hey Colossus. The rhythm section breathes like a creature all of its own. Complex and deft tricksy rhythms are handled and delivered with nonchalance and true beauty. A beauty somewhat akin to someone with really big shoes on kicking you over and over again in your arsehole.
The guitar playing is similarly sparkling. Where mere mortal bands might make do with 1 or 2 guitarists, Colossus use 3. Any danger of them getting in each others way and clouding the tonal palette is rendered null and void by the breadth of sounds they use. At the end of Red Giant one guitar plays a delicate figure along the lines of
“SSSPPPPLLLLLLURRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
whereas the other two intertwine around this in a way Television* would be proud of with separate parts that go a little like this:
“WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR”
and
“SKKKKKRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”.
It is also rendered null and void because they are deaf. As you will be.
*When I say Television I mean Television if they were mental and had really big amps and did not want to make any friends.
Someone told me Colossus sound like Isis and Neurosis. That’s a sack of shit. Those bands are metal bands who are trying to get arty. These guys have done arty indie to death and now they’re doing metal. Totally, totally different. Better. Less embarrassing. Heavier because the rhythms are more pulse like. Nastier because it’s not just riffs, it’s messy riffs with noise sitting round every note like a scarf of squidgy evil.

Hey Colossus rules.

It’s 8am and I am up early to start a new job. I have just been watching Channel 4 and saw the most heinous item. A trailer for that puffy faced little prick Jamie Oliver and his new TV series about school dinners. That alone would be enough to send me into a frothing rage but this trailer was set to the sound of “Who Put The Bomp?” by Le Tigre.
I know nothing’s sacred etc but I’d rather see Le Tigre used to soundtrack the mass cull of babies than this fucking cockstick’s TV show.