What can you say about Lords that can’t be said better themselves in barely coherent gibberish? Not much. Self-described as a “twangy version of ZZ Top” they manage to bring forth the rock using a mix of heaviosity, fun and hats. Less a band than the fallen aristocracy on a seaside jaunt, Lords will provide the entertainment, if you’ll let them. Bring your ears!

Marceline Smith sent them some stupid-ass questions to see how they’d fare.

Members, and what you do in the band:
Lord Philippe Jean Welding – the voice of triumph, guitass
Lord Elvin Beat-ham Wall-ass – master of rhythmical ceremonies
Lord Christophe Gordon Sumlin – bassar
(the bassar and the guitass are our own inventions and are relatives of the simple guitar).

Location: Split evenly between the shires of Derby, Nottingham and North York
Formed: 2003

What do you think you sound like, and how different is that from what other people have said or written about you?

Elvin: Lords sound often sheddy, sometimes well sheddy. Not to be confused with incompetent. Lords do not at any time do math, no matter how many times the listener can count to 17.63 during any part of sound milk. In the past folk have often mixed up the math in the same breath as Lords gig or Lords record, just taking a look at the way the hair grows to the south of their belly buttons will make it obvious that biology is the only school subject going on here!

Christophe: LORDS is: Confusion – Unravelling – Unveiling – TRIUMPH. Our dynamic is not quiet/loud or fast/slow it is “what the fuck is going on?” / “Wooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!!!!” (assumes thumbs in belt loops, rock-out position, asks ‘dude’ next to me if I can have his beer). This differs from what some people have said about us in that we never play the songs the same way twice. We bunk maths. Our math is “2+2=SHED”.

Philippe: A lot of people have commented that our music is akin to equations and long division but I say they are WRONG! We put our text books with the squared paper away when we left school, filled with blocky drawings of robots.

Which has been your favourite gig you’ve played?

Elvin: Gigs! Ahh… gigs, anywhere without a raised stage. Part of the way the sound milk works is that it may curdle at any altitude exceeding 400 mm (the height of a small goat) so good gigs often go hand in hand with the party style of doing things, on the floor. Plus it is worth noting that to help with getting that all important atmosphere, all of the amps should be run from one semi stable power supply. Helps stop curdling at room temperature. Leeds.

Christophe: The Magic Band / Lords unification was a deeply proud and may I add, spiritual, moment for the 3 of us. The most triumphant was playing Leeds with Lord Markus Zimms on 2nd drumkit. It was the anniversary of the death of our Lord John Coltrane. We tried to play one of his songs and maybe it was the wine but it just came together and I thought at one point I was going to cry. I caught Lord Andy The Abbot weeping openly.

Philippe: Playing with the Magic Band was IT

What’s the best thing about being in Lords?

Elvin: The best thing about “being” in Lords that we get paid lots of money every 3 to 4 days (5 to 6 in June) so when Billy Gibbons ran a little skint last spring, we were happy to land him the odd monkey or two.

Christophe: No rules dude.

Philippe: Fine wine, cavorting and gorging, rummaging and foraging. Shooting those poor poor clay pigeons down the square.

Which is your favourite of your own tracks and why?

Elvin: The Lords Prayer. As it is very, very pure, almost gold top full fat.

Christophe: Impossible! I love them all. Having said that, the new one we just recorded for the split 10″ represents a new found level of majesty to me because I had no idea what it sounded like and suspected it may have been a turkey. Recording it and listening back I realised it was in fact a golden shining phoenix with 6 cocks.

Philippe: The ones with the slide guitar and the ones tuned to D

What are your favourite lordly pursuits?

Elvin: Lordy pursuits are many, however nothing beats wrestling keen P.A. operators over the use of bass amps for the six-stringed thinner string guitar. This will keep you fit and in tip top shape of mind.

Christophe: Like in Edwardian times it’s a busy life of eating, drinking and being merry in the face of increasingly overwhelming adversity. Lord Philippe owns a monkey called Ethan and it has made him very happy so I am taking steps to get one of my own. We also collect large amplifiers and percussion instruments. Bells and the like.

Philippe: A glass of Red wine and a nature documentary. Something about how insects pollinate flowers, or the deep deep sea…in a smoking jacket and a cravat….completely surrounded by a castle and a moat.

How do you come up with your fantastic song titles?

Elvin: Song titles come from the mouth of Lord Philippe on the moment of awakening from deep sleep, induced by eastern spices delicately sprinkled in his left ear.

Christophe: As you can see from this interview, much of our time is spent talking gibberish.

Philippe: These aren’t crazy song titles man! These are what the songs are about!

Tell me something I don’t know

Elvin: Did you know that the teeth belonging to Yusef Lateef were stolen and used by a feef?

Christophe: If you take all the O’s out of YOKO ONO and replace them with the word MUCK you get “Y’Muck-k Muck, Muck ‘n’ Muck” (copyright THF Drenching).

Philippe: Are you being sarcastic?

What are the last couple of albums you bought and are they any good?

Elvin: I bought this Cold play disk, and it has left me, somewhat- watt.

Christophe: I am overcome by I Am Come by Part Chimp. My neighbours share this enthusiasm as when I put it on they bang on the walls with glee. I shout back at them “YES! I KNOW! IT’S AMAZING!” and bang back just as hard. I have also bought “Koln” by Last Exit. It is most fucking raging.

Philippe: Today I bought Deguello by ZZ Top from Oxfam for a princely some. ZZ Top. Yeeaaah! Celtic Frost ‘into the pandemonium’ also came from Oxfam but they were £5 each which I would like to say, is a lot of money for a Lord.

What are your upcoming plans?

Elvin: Plans are not for me.
Philippe: Over to Chris..
Christophe: You’ll have to ask the other two.

Put these things in order of importance to Lords: a nice hat; a meat pie; a horse; a pint of lager; the colour yellow

Elvin: yellow, horse (not smack!), Mice hat, meat pie & larger pints

Christophe: A nice hat (on another person), the colour yellow (on something it doesn’t belong on, like a coffin for example), a horse (with a lady in jodhpurs drinking whiskey and ginger whilst cantering), a pint of lager (for free), a meat pie is not important as we are 2/3 veggie and even as the 1/3 meatman I’m trying to lay off the pies, what-what.

Philippe: A meat pie can drop off the list first off, in fact, the horse can have that…and the hat too. I will drink the pint and the horse can have some too

Website: www.honeyisfunny.com/lords

Records we can buy: Split 7″ with Hey Colossus (Theory Of Nothing), Old Baby Sex Scene Comp 12″ (Obscene Baby Auction), A Beginners Guide To Lords 3″ CDR (Olwyn Plant), Silver Rocket 50 CD comp (Stupid Cat), Unlabel CD comp (Unlabel), Chinchillafest CD comp (Chinchilla). Some more I have forgotten. Album and split 10″ with Part Chimp, Todd and Hey Colossus on the way.