Prolapse worked their way into my heart as being one of my favourite live bands after seeing them on a number of occasions. They combined a straightforward line of nasty strange sounds akin to the Fall backing an energetic double act that made a person laugh and cry. Significantly better live than on record, this was a band that was able to release a record called Pointless Walks To Dismal Places and still have (sound) fun.

They panned out as Mick Derrick (vocals), Linda Steelyard (vocals), David Jeffereys (guitar), Mick Harrison (bass), Pat "Trip Dispenser" Marsden (guitar) and Tim Pattison (drums). Gone but not forgotten. "I know I need my head examined".

After patiently waiting for a future school teacher, who also happened to be Prolapse's biggest fanboy, to shut the fuck up and fuck off also whilst being told to get out the Cambridge Boatrace, a jolly alcohol influenced Mick Derrick offered to autograph a freshly purchased Sorted EP. "Piss off! Could we please tape a conversation with you?". And nicely nicely he said "sure". Pointing at Matt's Colonel Hannibal Smith chain smoking badge:
M: The A-Team was shit.
NP: No way, it was bonkers.
M: Murdoch was my favourite, can I just say something about Murdoch that I remember? I used to play bagpipes in a pipe band, and we played at the European Championships in Dunoon. Me and my pal were about 14 and we kept singing this thing that Murdoch was singing in the A-Team the day before. We kept going "give me some trash bags, give me some trash bags". He kept singing it. Afterwards we were wandering through these woods and we found a big black bag full of beer. I didn't really drink, but my pal did and he was drinking loads and I was kind of going "hmm, it tastes horrible". So there's a wee bit of A-Team conversation for you.
NP: So, what about the Chris Eubank meeting?
M: He was there. (pointing at Prolapse merchandise bloke etc Turk)
T: I saw him. I said "Chris Eubank! Quick get a photo!".
M: Well, Chris Eubank was standing on Brighton promenade watching this band down a railing. It was me and the drummer who went up and the drummer mimicked the way Chris Eubank was standing and did a kind of wanker sign. I stood back and hoped he wouldn't turn round and punch me in the face. He didn't and Turk's got it all on film.
NP: Did he have his monocle on?
M: No, he didnae but he had his massive big truck. He's got one of them like monster trucks. And he beeps his horn and waves at everybody before he gets out! It was great.
NP: Isn't he the mayor of Brighton or something?
NP: He's the King.
M: No, he bought the duchy of Brighton type thing, and it cost him about £15,000. He's trying to buy the pier and live on it.
NP: He's better than Prick Naseem isn't he!
M: Oh no, I like Prince Naseem. I'm a big boxing fan so I think Prince Naseem is fucking brilliant. He's a bit of a prick, but then all boxers are.
NP: What about Mike Tyson and the ear incident?
M: I like Mike Tyson as well but biting ears is a bit too, I dunno, he's too coked up to the eyeballs, it's really weird. NP: Are you from Leicester then?
M: Aye, I live in Leicester.
NP: We're going to Leicester University.
M: Are ye? No doubt we'll see you. Come down the Durham Ox and we'll see you loads.
NP: So is this the year for Cha Cha 2000
M: Aye, this is the year for Cha Cha 2000, we're gonae get to number one.
NP: Supporting Celtic though?
M: Ah well, they're the best damn team in Scotland and their players all are grand, for we support the Celtic for they are the finest in the land. We love them.
NP: Who's your favourite player of all time?
M: My favourite player of the moment is Johnny Doyle. He died in about 1982, he got electrocuted. He's still my favourite player, he used to score with his head against Rangers. I couldn't give a fuck about the new ones (laughing).
NP: One word for Rangers.
M: Ah, fucking pile of shite. That's one big word that, you can stick that all together - fuckingpileofshite.
NP: What was that you popped in Pat's pocket towards the end?
M: A tenner.
NP: Really? What was that for?
M: He shagged us.
NP: You would.
M: No, there was this thing we arranged to do before we went on stage. During "Autocade", the new single that I don't sing on, he's like "can you go get us a pint at the bar and get yourself one?" but of course we didnae play it tonight, so I just went and put the tenner back in his pocket.
NP: You're playing Chelmsford tomorrow.
M: I fucking hate Chelmsford. I hate Cheltenham. Any place with Chel in the name. Are you guys from Chelmsford?
NP: No, Colchester.
M: Oh, Colchester's alright cause you've got those nice army guys! No, I'm talking shite.
NP: You have a support band called Magpie playing with you tomorrow, they're shite. Whenever we've been there recently they've been playing.
M: Right, I'm going home already! The last time we played Chelmsford we had two support bands and they were fucking shite! We were talking about this in the van the other day, we were not looking forward to fucking Chelmsford cos it's the most shitty place to play ever. The only people you get there are like people with no fucking ears. (AGAIN!?) Are you guys from Chelmsford yourselves?
NP: No, Colchester!
M: You're from Colmsford. Colmsford!? So you're from Colmsford, that new place I've just invented! Instead of thinking up a great headline can you just put "Colmsford" at the top of the article? Just put "Colmsford" and people will go huh? Turk I've just invented a new name!
T: Ooooo!
M: Have you seen Turk's "Bamboozle" t-shirt? Have you ever played Bamboozle on Ceefax? You play this rubbish quiz, and he sent off for the t-shirt. I'm getting you in for posterity in this fanzine, Turk.
T: I should be in the fanzine more than you, I'm much more interesting.
M: That's what I'm telling them.
NP: It looked very wet on stage tonight.
M: Ah no, I'm as dry as a stick. It's alright.
NP: Does Linda mind you playing with her hair?
M: No.
NP: Do you end up having fights?
M: Er, ....... no comment!
NP: When I do that to girls at college they slap me.
M: She doesn't really slap me, she just kicks us a lot. Well, she usually just bites my ankles cos she's so big.
NP: Can you run Linda's joke by us again?
M: I wish I could! I don't really understand it: "what's the difference between a duck?" - nothing. Is it one of those jokes like: "what's white and wears tartan trousers? Rupert the fridge". Is it like one of them jokes? No, that makes sense actually! I know a joke that does nae make sense that I can nae remember. Ah, there it is! You got it! (he then notices Arab Strap are in our fanzine). We did a joint tour with them. The worst gig was in Carlisle. They were headling, we were shite, they were shite but we went onstage and had a fucking brilliant time. We didnae sing any songs we usually sing, we just made up loads of songs. It was just us and them down the front with loads of tables, just kind of watching.
NP: Are they pleasant people?
M: Oh aye. They've got bad press, but probably put about by their manager to make them more cool. They're bit softies, fuckin' teddy bears the lot of 'em.
NP: Aidan looks like Tony Slattery.
M: But so do some other people.
NP: Have you ever been told you look like Martin O'Neill?
M: No, but I've been told I look like Eric Cantona. I've also been told I look like King in the 80s. In the old days I looked like King! (now just Paul King from VH-1)
NP: He had a mullet.
M: Martin O'Neill? No, Martin O'Neil surely? Maybe I do. I'll ask Turk, he's a big Leicester fan. Last week we stayed in Brighton for a couple of days to get pished, we were with pals, and I'm a massive Celtic fan as you know and we went to a Scottish pub and we were arguing with Livepool and having a great time. Everything was hunky dory. Turk then came down and they put on the Leicester game and Turk was like (waves arms about wildly and cheers). It was great. Hey, Turk, Leicester!
T: Don't talk to me about that fucking penalty!
(enter Prolapse bassist also, frustratingly, christened Mick!)
Mb: How ya diddling? Have you got any questions for me?
M: Talk about bass players.
NP: Is Marc Riley a hero?
Mb: Yeah! Ho ho!
M: "I've got a head like a boiled egg". I'm a big Marc Riley and the Creepers fan.
NP: I'd kill for one of their records but can't find any anywhere.
M: I've got them all my good man. I bought "Carry Me Cale" the very first single they did. Talk to them about your problems, tell them about the magnets Mick.
Mb: I've got this problem where I've got a metal plate in the back of my head so everywhere I go I get attracted to metal.
M: You've got magnets in your bass that affect it.
Mb: There's a big stigma about people with metal plates in their heads. They think you're crazy.
NP: You can't skydive.
Mb: That's rubbish. I've skydived loads of times. The only thing is cos there's magnets in my bass my head keeps getting attracted, so it looks like I've got a bad back.
M: Remember when you skydived into that big magnet field?
Mb: That was a bit of a risk. I was supposed to skydive like that (indicates straight down) and I went at a 45 degree angle into a big magnet field. I was sticking out like that with my legs up.
NP: Is it true that when you stand next to a microwave you piss your pants and forget who you are for half an hour.
M: Aye (laughing)
Mb: It happens all the time but it doesn't bother me, you just get prepared. You wear your colostomy bag and all that shit. Scalectrix have got magnets in. So every time you press go on your car, and you think everything's going great, you get attracted to the car and it sticks against your head.
M: Remember when Henry bought you a bag of nails?
Mb: Oh, them nails were unbelievable! I just had all of these nails sticking out of my head. (the two Micks start walking off)
NP: Er, whose your favourite Simpsons character?
Mb: Er, Homer.

An incomplete discography consists of:
Singles:
Crate EP (Cherry Red) Jan 94
Pull Thru' Barker (Cherry Red) May 94
Doorstop Rhythmic Bloc (Cherry Red) Sept 94
When Space Invaders Were Big (Cherry Red) May 95
TCR (Lovetrain) Nov 95
Flexed (Lissy's) Nov 96
Killing The Bland (Radar) Apr 97
Autocade (Radar) Sept 97

Albums:
Pointless Walks To Dismal Places (Cherry Red) Oct 94
Backsaturday (Lissy's) Nov 95
The Italian Flag (Radar) Oct 97

[taken from No Pictures 7]