Radio One will never be what it once was. The remaining DJs Lamacq and Peel are good guys, albeit with sometimes questionable tastes they more than make up for, but they just aren't Radcliffe or Riley. The Mark and Lard show began on the old format Radio Five with Hit The North and, believe it or not, around the early nineties Radio Five was an excellent station. It still had sport but at ten (or there about) came yoof shows. In addition to this Radio Five had knockout docushows about cult heroes (Sid Vicious, Lenny Bruce), horror film docus (Spinechillers) and crappy fifties American radio shows (X Minus One, Dragnet etc) which just rocked so fucking hard. Mark and Lard were in the middle of that. I remember hearing, amongst others, The Fall, Beatnik Filmstars, Butthole Surfers and S*M*A*S*H for the first time on that show. I recall listening to them interviewing FMB one summers night as my parents were on holiday in Brighton and I was doing my own version of Home Alone, aged 15, convinced there was some pervert in the back garden.
Then they went to Radio One when Radio Five became an all country station. I remember rediscovering their show, waiting to pick up my olds at Clacton train station around midnight in summer 1994. That night David Yow was reading Charles Bukowski and I first heard Neil Young's song Piece Of Crap, which I couldn't believe. Then came a week of Henry Rollins' tour diary and I became hooked again. Their show got me back on the right tracks with regards to music. Their ten to twelve show, Monday to Thursday, always began with two classics which, shock horror, were bona fide classics. Then came Radcliffe's little gag and then until midnight the nation was fed a non-playlist of the best current releases and basically anything from anytime that was cool and rocked. It remains the only time I've ever heard Black Flag on Radio One. It was also home to where I first heard the Pixies, Suicide, the Meat Puppets up to the Delgados, Bis and Kenickie amongst other cool stuff. Thursday nights would see Mark Kermode do a Cult Film Corner which was a blast, covering stuff like Russ Meyer, Clerks, Star Wars and Repo Man. And the sessions were live with band interaction which was something that put them above the sessions elsewhere. Mark and Lard took the piss out of everything in sight. They had the coolest, hippest show and still acted like hyperactive lemons.
The transition to the mornings was never going to work. Replacing Chris Evans with them was like replacing Ned Flanders with Barney Gumble and Krusty The Klown. Basically ten to twelve was their audience, students and people with senses of humour, and them playing to the morning crowd was like "running into a Klan rally wearing a Boy George costume" - Bill Hicks. Then along came Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening (Selma and Patty) to do the mornings and Radcliffe and Lard were switched to two to four in the afternoon, where they now rot. No one listens to the radio from two to four. Have you noticed how the rise in gang activity coincides with Mark and Lard's fall from grace? Seriously though, hasn't music really began to suck since they left the ten to twelve slot? Mark and Lard will always be remembered round these parts for bringing as much to music for me as anybody else. An insane injection of sanity in the fucked up world of music.
Mr Marc Riley answered these questions.
NP: Have you
ever punched Radcliffe?
NP: Did you
really once bite someone's ear off when they stole a chip off your
NP: What do
you think of your popularity in Loaded magazine?
NP: Give us
the story behind Oink magazine?
NP: Do you
still bare any grudges towards Viz?
became of Stench Trench?
NP: Can we
have that Creepers discography in full please? (I'm not taking the
please, please let us, Gringo Records, release a Creepers single
NP: How are
NP: Your face
doesn't match your voice. Have you ever considered plastic surgery?
NP: Is the
Al Jourgenson/Jello Biafro power vomit side project band Lard a tribute,
an homage if you will, to yourself?
NP: Are you
and Mark E. Smith still mates?
NP: Was there
a love triangle between you, him and Brix?
NP: Have you
met the Spice Girls?
NP: Which is
NP: Why is
Mark Lamarr called Monkey Boy?
not very fat. Are you on Slimfast milkshakes?
NP: Is Patrick
(the Studio Audience) a fatty?
NP: You are
a comic genius. Who are your influences?
NP: Is Radcliffe
happened to the Jimmy Nail voodoo doll?
NP: Who does
Shit Agent currently represent?
NP: Are you
a grumpy sod in real life?
NP: When I
was little, I saw Worzel Gummidge in Brightlingsea. Unfortunately
he kicked a toddler up the arse.
NP: Who's your
all time favourite band?
NP: Have you
ever appeared on Crimewatch UK?
NP: Can I have
a naked picture of you for the fanzine (and to show my mum)
NP: Danny Baker
is obviously an influence. What particularly do you like about his
NP: Your nose
seems to be a bit wonky. Has it ever been broken?
NP: Are the
Shirehorses the hardest working band in the business?
NP: Have you
got a TV show with Caroline Aherne in the pipeline?
NP: You two
briefly did a show called Wot? What was that on and how many did you