WW: You should turn the page really, the most interesting subjects.
JG: The other side?
WW: Ah, this side!
JG: I was building up to those ones.
WW: Oh I see.
JG: These are the motherfuckers these ones.
BC: Oh wait, I've seen these questions before.
JG: Isn't this a whole set of new questions?
BC: No, I've seen these before. I was supposed to answer these questions months ago via e-mail, that's how I recognise them. You know why I didn't answer these questions?
JG: Because they're a bit personal?
BC: No, just because I kept putting it off and putting it off.
JG: Jeff had mentioned you'd spoken to you about them.
BC: I have been thinking about them a lot. You're the accountant.
JG: You got my e-mails then....
BC: Yeah.
JG: ...where I said my label's making money and should I put it into a new record or buy a motor bike.
BC: Yeah. No, I remember all this stuff. Let's see
(grabs questions and doesn't give them back).
JG: You're cheating, I wasn't prepared, I just went into the PC and took a copy.
BC: The thing is also, you didn't have the new record on this one.
JG: I've listened to the records, hooks on it.
BC: Now this is a funny one, I can't believe people actually believe it. Do I look like someone that would actually cut off their own finger?
JG: I was going to check it without asking (looks) oh no.
BC: That would be insane!
JG: That would be painful.
BC: Cross that one off. "Was I an accountant?". No. "Starsign". Gemini.
MBB: Gemini is the best!
BC: You?
JG: Leo.
Matt: Virgo.
WW: Taurus.
BC & MBB: Gemini!
BC: "The happiest event I have ever witnessed". Someone else asked me a question like this. These are hard questions, like the happiest! I'm trying to think of a happy event. Er, what's your happiest event? Let me just see what the standard is.
JG: Happiest event?
BC: Yeah.
MBB: The day you got released!?
BC: Errrr (reluctance) yeah, I mean that was a good event, it was a relief but it was not a.....
MBB: The day you met me!
BC: That wasn't an event. That was very nice though.
JG: First kiss.
BC: First kiss?
JG: No, that's mine.
BC: That was yours.
JG: That was more spontaneous than the other thing.
BC: Let me think, my first kiss. Hmm, that was nice.
JG: When was that then?
BC: Er, I was at a movie, with a girl watching Raiders Of The Lost Ark.
MBB: Wow! (starts der der dering Indiana Jones theme).
JG: What part of the film?
BC: That wasn't my first kiss, that was my first protracted sexual grope session. We were like, the entire movie was like..... (squirty noises and failing arm gestures).
MBB: My first kiss was like a sweet Madonna kinda thing, passion game.
BC: Mmmm.
MBB: Post office.
BC: No?
MBB: You didn't play those games?
BC: No! First kiss, we'll put that down.
JG: Yeah, Raiders! Good film.
MBB: First grope session.
BC: First make out session (writes it down). Actually it was humiliating, it was also a really sad event because my friends at the time, it was when I was fourteen, my friends at the time were like "I cannot believe you're making out with her, she is so gross!" and what did I do?
MBB: Dumped her?
BC: I dumped her like a hot piece of shit.
MBB: Ahhh! Like the shit you were.
BC: Yes. And then for years afterwards, for years, I would have very powerful sexual, masturbatory fantasies about having sex with her.
MBB: Who was it? Somebody you shacked up with?
BC: This is actually a pretty awful story, so I'm glad I dumped her, they did me a favour but I should have.... I could have had sex with her!
MBB: Or you could have figured it out for yourself.
BC: Yeah.
MBB: Following the crowd!
BC: (next question) "Do you believe in putting subliminals in your music?". Of course not, he said with a knowing wink. "Are jokers more interesting than winners?". I thought this was a really good question. This is really good. I almost made a song out of this, I was thinking "there's gotta be a lyric in here". I may use this.
JG: It's a great first line.
BC: I'll copyright that. But that's a hard one. I think losers are winners you know. When you're a joker you get it both ways. That's what I'm always, you see I'm a Gemini, I like to have it both ways.
MBB: That's a goddamn question (in distance a whippet yelps).
BC: "Are you lonesome tonight?". You know, I started to write this interview when I was in a really bad mood and it wasn't coming out very funny and then I thought I don't wanna give it a bummer. It wasn't like no but... And I won't be because I'm gonna rock tonight!
JG: Do you know the band who are supporting you? Penthouse?
BC: No I don't but I hear they sound like Jesus Lizard.
JG: Yeah, mixed with the Birthday Party. Stonking and really good.
BC: "Does Jim O'Rourke play in the band often?". Pretty often.
MBB: Sometimes. BC: He's done it like four or five times, played in the band in Chicago. But you know, he's very busy, like he's always busy, like right now he's on like three months of travels and he's gonna do the Stereolab record and all this shit. So he's like, he's the hardest working man in the music business. Probably. ("what significant about 13 June 2000?). It's my birthday!
MBB: It's my birthday?
BC: You see, what's gonna happen is that if I am the antichrist, which is not certain but is just a gut instinct I feel very strongly about it, if I'm the antichrist that's when I, I mean that's when its going to all come together for me. If you think about it; Jesus. From age one to age thirty three; carpenter! That's it! Just a carpenter and then when he hit thirty three he goes, he gets baptised by John the Baptist, he goes to Israel, he goes to Jerusalem, he gathers his disciples by the side of the mountain, does all the Jesus stuff, he does in like the last six weeks of his life, its like a very short time. All the other time he's just hanging out, making stuff, carpentry. So, his career as Messiah is a very short one. So that's what I'm hoping and then I'm hoping when I'm 33 I'll really come into my own as an antichrist because I'm really, I'm terribly far behind in terms of unifying the nations of the world and that sort of thing. I'm really way behind. The first record was supposed to sell like a 100,000 copies and now its only sold like 800 so....
JG: This question here certainly links to that one really ("do you believe in the live fast, die young philosophy?").
BC: Er, live fast die young? (pauses and contemplates) I've been living pretty fast and I'm not dead yet.
JG: But Jesus died at 33.
BC: Is it young? You know I'm 31 now. I don't feel that young, I feel pretty old.
JG: What was 30 like?
BC: Was it a barrier? Yeah, actually it was a very depressing year. I had recorded my first fucking solo record and I'm 30. You know, 800 copies! Not very auspicious. Its like "why am I doing this? This is ridiculous, I'm getting nowhere fast". So....but this year I am feeling much better. So, no no no. "Should people called Paul be avoided?". No, its not so much the name Paul, its more the connotation of the Pauls.
JG: Its not the name its the....
BC: Yeah, and you understand that?
JG: Its just me and Matthew have known people called Paul in the past and...
BC: Really?
JG: Someone called Paul Buck but with a name like that...
BC: Paul Buck?
JG: I grew up with him.
BC: Is he an ass?
JG: He was mad.
BC: Insane?
JG: Pretty much.
BC: I find the Pauls I am thinking about are very talented but sneaky and manipulative like the Apostle Paul or Sir Paul.
JG: Did you ever look into the Paul Stanley thing?
BC: Paul Stanley also, I mean he's a real sleezeball but the thing about Paul Stanley is he's not particularly talented really. Would you say he is particularly talented?
WW: No.
BC: But compared to say Gene Simmons.... (sees teethy picture of himself) that is not pleasant. That's rather unpleasant.
JG: That picture, when I first saw it, scared me to death. You look so angry and hungry.
BC: Yes. Well I am hungry. "Who is Dr Weasel Walter?" (points at the man)
WW: I'm not really a Dr. I think I know what you're talking about. The young man who interviewed me, I was sort of, before I was in the band, I was sort of working as Bobby's press agent. Bobby didn't feel like he was ready to talk to anybody so we would sit around having long discussions and you know , about what he was thinking, and I would sort of inform people about what he was talking about and this person mistook it that I was a doctor. Its really messed up.
JG: What shirt are you wearing?
WW: This is an old Slayer t-shirt, Satanic Grimoth.
JG: They're not the best thing but at least you know they mean it.
WW: Yeah, yeah, its a hate of love.
BC: Erm, "what pisses me off?". These anger questions are really hard. I'm just not feeling that hot headed today. What pisses you off?
JG: The small things. The things that get to you most, like when you're driving along and someone cuts you up. There's this thing in England, Road Rage, that I don't think you get in America.
BC: Road Rage? People shoot each other's cars in our country. Actually, that keeps Road Rage down because people feel like it can escalate to a point, like in Los Angeles its very common for people to like cut you off, someone cuts you off and you have a gun, you shoot them. It happens quite a lot (starts laughing).
JG: Do they do that in Chicago?
BC: Not so much because Chicago isn't such a driving city as L.A. is but.... I guess the rats in my front yard piss me off.
MBB: The deer problem in Humble Park.
BC: The deer problem is excessive which pisses me off. People shooting each other for no good reason in my neighbourhood pisses me off.
WW: Damn! BC: "What do I do about it?". I put my head under the pillow. "Describe Short And Sweet and did they put out any records?"......
MBB: (reading Sleaze Nation article) Monica Bobo?!
BC: Bobo? Are you Bobo?
MBB: Misspelling.
BC: Fuck!
MBB: Did you do this interview?
BC: I did this interview.
MBB: You did! You said then......
BC: I said Bou Bou, I didn't say Bobo.
MBB: It's verbatim, right?
BC: I didn't write it out.
WW: There will be other mistakes. You're talking to Weasel Walter instead Walter Weasel here.
MBB: Oh well, I'll expect it many many times then.
BC: OK, I'll talk about Condeucent. Condeucent was my first favourite band I was in. And we were like an experiment? I don't know. We were like just four hippy freaks that lived in an apartment and slept with each other and made improvisational music together.
JG: When you mean sleeping together, is that like in the same bed or....
BC: Both same bed and inside of each other's bodies. And then usually when inside each other, we were actually not sleeping at that time, we'd be awake, but an early incestuous band. And we all got a group tattoo, we were very.....
JG: What was that tattoo?
BC: Our logo. Isolated, very isolated. Very out of step (draws it).
JG: It's like the Now Wave thing (logo).
BC: Oh yeah, that's right. Here, Weasel, look.
WW: Wow, that's kind of weird.
MBB: What is that?
BC: This is the logo, this is Now Wave, this Condeucent.
JG: Where have you got your tattoo?
BC: Where did I get my tattoo? On my arm, right here. I showed it to the Swedish woman but I'm not going to show it to you.
JG: I won't show you mine then.
BC: Do you have one?
WW: Oh yes?
BC: So anyway, we anticipated, we played for a long time and people would say stuff like "you know you guys really sound like Can" and then we got a Can record and it turned out we kind of did sound like Can but then that Post Rock explosion happened in Chicago about that Kraut Rock shit and we were long broken up by that point, so we were unable to bask in the glory...
WW: ...of being so lame.
BC: Of being so lame. But we did put out two records that are pretty good, they're quite good, two singles.
JG: What label was that on?
BC: We just put them out ourselves. One of the records will be for sale tonight.
JG: Really?
BC: I'll give it to you. You deserve a single.
JG: Please.
BC: Short And Sweet was a collaboration between me recording under the name of Shorty Roughneck. This is a true story. I live in Humble Park, which is a part of Chicago, for like ten years and these little kids would be like "Yo! Look at that, it's Shorty Roughneck. Look at him, it's Shorty Roughneck over there, look at him. You think you're so tough Shorty Roughneck". So its my street name. I was like, I was so happy. "I got a street name given to me by real little black children gave me a street name. I'm like street now, I have street credibility because I am Shorty Roughneck". And then Johnny Sweet, who lived a few houses away, he got his street name the same way, like six months later, because he was wearing a like really nice silky shirt. "Oh yeah, look at that, it's Johnny Sweet. Look at Johnny Sweet". So we decided to be Short And Sweet. And it was premium super hard rock. Two guitars and a drum machine. And anthems like "My Love Landed On You", "It's Too Hard!", all sexual songs. Songs about sexual ecstasy in a hard rock vein. And we later added the drummer from Condeucent, Ray Shawn, who is now living in Frankfurt Germany and it was a very nice band. We weren't able to record, Johnny Sweet and I had a falling out in that he's..... well, we're both difficult to work with, let's just put it that way. "Will I be using MTV?". Well yes, on Monday.
JG: How about VH-1 though?
BC: I don't know about VH-1. I think VH-1 would be more suitable because they would probably have the vintage videos that I would like to see. "Are you the first Edutainer". No, edutainer is something, there are many edutainers, they generally have....
JG: Richard Simmons, is he one?
BC: Richard Simmons?
WW: Richard Simmons, yup, yes he is.
BC: Yeah, he is an edutainer.
WW: He's made records.
JG: Has he?
BC: They're..... (breaks down laughing)
WW: You can only imagine, let's put it that way. If you can make it through that whole record, you're a pretty damn hard person.
BC: They're anti-music. Imagine the thinnest, like thinnest most trebly irritating disco music and then Richard Simmons is like "OK! Come on! Wake up, it's a really great morning!". Its insane, its really psychotic. Richard Simmons is an edutainer.
JG: He cracks me up, every time he's on Oprah or Ricki.
BC: I love him, he's great. He's fantastic. He understands that, some people are born with only one thing, their personality. You know who else I really like who is British? You know Leo Sayer? "I know I can dance! I know I can dance!".

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