Scene Two: sitting in front of one entrance to the downstairs bit

Matt: Interesting story from Reynolds, number one.
Chris: Interesting story. Phill didn't actually get any money in the end but we were going to fund some of the things we were going to buy, 'cos Phill used to work at a kind of vegetable packing factory and tinned like, uh..
Matt: Tinning factory - baked beans and stuff, they put into it.
Chris: And one night they were there and they had some really top secret stuff going through with no labels on..
Matt: And also when they came in they were searched.
Chris: Yeah really really dodgy and.....he nicked a can of whatever it was that had no label on it and opened it up and it was baked beans in chocolate, right? He stole it, stole the baked beans...
Matt: He went,'hmmmmmm', his little devious mind ticked over...
Chris: ...thinking, 'nice bit of money', and sold the story to the Sun and the Sun put it in the newspaper but they didn't actually pay him for it.
Long pause as we scan their faces to see if this is true
Chris: Quite interesting, relatively speaking.
Matt: Hold on a minute. (muttering)
Chris: Did they pay him?
Matt: They paid him 280 fucking quid!
Chris: Fuck off! He never told me that!
Matt: He got 200 quid from the Sun and 80 quid from the Sport.
Chris: In that case we got 280 pounds for it that I never even knew about and the guy reckons he's hard up...bastard!
Matt: He got searched on the way in, he had to hide the tins in places so he could go back and get them the next day when all the security was gone.
Chris: Basically he's a really devious kind of character.
Matt: Don't say that, it's not true.
James wanders past
Matt: We're telling them chocolate baked beans story.
James: All right, yeah, fucking wicked.
Matt and Chris have hysterics
Matt: That's James our drummer.

Scarily, you can now buy those very baked beans in chocolate sauce from (where else...) ASDA!! And only 9p too - bargainous...

Okay, what's your steve Lamacq anecdote?
Chris: I've got one, I've got one. I'm going to tell it right? Despite the fact that Steve Lamacq's proven one of the nicest people in the world to us for playing our single despite the fact that it didn't have distribution and all that kind of stuff. [pause] A long while ago Matt e-mailed him and called him...
Matt: No no no! What happened was..
Chris: He called him...
Matt: [shouting] WHAT HAPPENED WAS..
Chris: You called him a bastard.
Matt: No I didn't! what happened was, right, I took a year out before I went to university and I got a job. And at this job I accessed the internet for the first time ever and it was really really exciting and I discovered the joys of e-mail and I could send people e-mails anywhere in the world and I got a little bit carried away. Steve Lamacq said something one night that annoyed me and so I thought, 'I'll write an e-mail telling him he's wrong'! And also accusing him of bias and taking bribes from the music industry!
Chris: You accused him because he was with Deceptive records, so basically Matt accused him of being involved in a record label and self-plugging his own records.
m: Which was true!
Matt: But the thing I didn't realise was, of course, because I was new to the world of the internet and quite stupid, that when you send someone an e-mail all they have to do is press reply and they can come back to you. And I got a an e-mail about two days later from him saying, 'oh Matthew I'm really sorry you feel like this about me and dislike the show. If you'd perhaps like to get back in touch with me with a more reasoned argument perhaps we could have a proper conversation'!
Chris: He was really harsh with it.
Matt: He made me feel about that big but he rightfully put me in my place.
Chris: [to me] Have you ever actually seen him?
m: ohhh yes!
Chris: Right...
Matt: [interrupting]Have you seen how much weight he's lost in the last year?
Chris: Yeah!
Matt: [Highly slanderous comments]
Chris: He came into Colchester Arts Centre and, and...
Matt: Great big head!
Chris: Yeah, his head's about that long! He's a really nice guy - he supports everything...
Matt: He's lovely.
Chris: He's been really supportive.
Matt: I would like to apologise for sending that e-mail to Steve Lamacq.
Chris: No more. I'm trying to think of any other stories but they're all really libellous.

Lots of people keep trying to get in and out of the door so we decide to move

Next Page >>